and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
