I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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