Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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