Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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