Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
