My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
