We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
