She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
