I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
