Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
