I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
