I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
