"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
