Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
