So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
