girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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