This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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