Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
