With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
