bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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