It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
