Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
