Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
