Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
