I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
