i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
