Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
