I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
