How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
