I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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