good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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