Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
