Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
