But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
