If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
