matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
