she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
