i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I smell like Dick and happiness
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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