i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
