he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
