Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
