I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
