I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
