I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
