you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
