i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
