singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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