I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
