dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
