There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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